neverlastingdream //

I wonder too.

It seemed like yesterday when we laughed and made fun with him and at him. There is a 5-7pm service tomorrow at Massey. I’m wondering if I should go. I would be great to see the teachers I’ve had before. Somehow, if I didn’t go, I think I’ll regret it.

I would also feel awkward seeing people I don’t want to see… Or just people who I want to avoid. My biggest worry is Phil. Does he know? Is he going? What’ll happen if I see him? I haven’t seen him since May 5th… What will happen?

“Who the hell cares about Phil? I’m disappointed in you!!”

I’m listening to Rainbow, and the water drops reminds me of sad mornings and forgotten love and memories. If I attend, I would be guilty because I don’t have as great memories as people who are still attending Massey. He wasn’t my favourite teacher.

I would still like to go, if only just to see Pei and Marina, (you’re going right?) Ms. Zieba and Ms. Dagg. They are all awesome people.

With his death, I don’t know how to go about some things. I think I would prefer to go in a blonde wig and sunglasses so no one will recognize me, then it would be alright. I feel guilty because I haven’t been refreshing the Facebook group, and I have only posted about this 3 days after his death. It’s times like this that I think I am a horrible person.

I often feel I don’t deserve to know people who care about me.

Oh well, I don’t have time to babble on about my poor self-confidence; I have to go wash the dishes.

What amazes me, is that the picture for the Facebook group had me and Phil in it, when we were still dating. It feels weird and strange seeing me smile, it somehow warms my heart knowing that I was happy then.

Mr. Bonk, you were the best English teacher anyone could’ve wished for. You bent deadlines and you joked around with us and loved us. You will forever be in our memories because you never cared what others thought of you. Thank you for being you and a part of this world.

Listen to Rainbow while reading the messages on the Facebook board makes me want to cry. Mr. Bonk, know that people will miss you. I hope you have happiness in the afterlife if you have one right now. The silent flower is leaving once again; thank you for your nurture, your care and your attention. It’s an honour to have known you and to have been your student. You’re the greatest. The best and the greatest ugly-Dorian Grey. Rest in Piece, we love you <3.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 4th, 2008 at 5:31 pm and is filed under Life, School. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.