neverlastingdream //

1. Go somewhere and live by myself so no one will disturb me or hurt me.
2. Kill myself.

A year and five days ago, this blog has been around for a year now!

Yay!

*throws confetti*

Congrats!!..~~

I’ve received an iPod from my uncle, who is visiting with his wife and his children. Yes, his children.. Also my cousins. Karen is six and Ethan is three. Karen is the cutest six-year-old ever. She’s so sweet and lovely.

I am afraid of using the iPod because I’m likely to have it attached to my ears 24/7 and that is a big reason for my dad to take it away from me. And since a long time ago, I’ve learnt that he cannot and should not take the things I buy with my own money.

Speaking of my own money. I got my first paycheck yesterday. Before tax deductions it was 311 ish dollars. After tax deductions it was 253 ish dollars. I have wanted to spend about the first hundred. But after I’ve announced this at dinner, my mom asked me, “Have you ever thought about paying for some of your tuition?” The moment she asked me that, my ears went red. I felt extremely guilty because I never have, I wasn’t sure if I can return to school come September, so I have not started to worry about my tuition yet.

Anyway, a little of my worries at the moment.

I don’t think I have informed my interested blog readers yet, but Hana yori Dango is being dramatized by South Korea!! Hooray!!!

We’ll see ne?

Nobody told me this was out.. At all!!! I think this is late by a few days.

Theme song to Hana Yori Dango Final. Can’t wait for the movie!!

Okay, I admit, they’re a little boring… >.>;;

“She’s Canadian.”
“You have a Canadian friend?”
“Yes, but she lives in Michigan.”
“Is she a US citizen?”
“Uh, she has permanent residency I think.”
“So why is she Canadian?
“Because she doesn’t like to be called American…”
“But she lives in America?”
“Yes. But she was born in China.”
“SHE’S CHINESE TOO!?”

Sometimes I try my best to make everyone around me happy. If I learnt anything from grade 10 history though, appeasement does not work.. I have an innate function not to consider what other people say…

Maybe I’m just selfish like that. Even when I have low self-confidence, I’m still selfish enough not to take other people’s advices..

I’m used to running away from my problems, ignoring them like they aren’t there.

While I know that is wrong, facing them is more difficult and painful.

How do I say.. “I’m trying to balance my life… Don’t patronize me because you think I’m wasting my time. I’m not as vain as you think I am.” Inside, if I say it out loud, I’m afraid it’ll become false. And maybe I am vain, but at least I’m not trying to make you miserable. That would just be cruel.

Sometimes I wish you would just leave me alone. 自分だけの世界がほしいですね。歌詞の中で。

I guess part of it is me trying to get attraction. But I feel guilty about it and try not to do it.

If you patronize me, I put up a wall around me with a 2 meter radius. Sometimes I hate myself for not living up to other people’s expectations, beating myself up for not being able to do what others expects me to.

I should accept that I really only need to make myself happy. I’m somewhat trying, but you can’t expect me to give up on singing. I can’t do that. I know I can’t. I would die if I did.

Looks great, can’t wait! <3.