- Password hint: # of posts I have at d-addicts.com + # of posts I have at Arashian.com + # of posts I have at Littlix.com.
Mar
9
You won’t ever read this.
I love you. I love you to the point that I don’t know how deeply I love you. It’s not something I understand myself. It’s beyond me.
I’ve never said this to you, because it was never the right moment.
“I love you.”
I don’t know how to say it. When to say it…? I really do think too much.
People are sure that you love me too, but in my head it always come with the word “Probably”…
I don’t know how to say it to you, because it’s so embarrassing.
I just want you to know that I love you.
… and if I were to be completely honest..
I think too highly of you… I think too perfectly of you and I’m afraid to ask you for anything, because most of the time for sure you’ll say no.
But I love you. That really doesn’t justify anything… But I do, and maybe someday you will know this.
Mom, Dad.. I love you …
Mar
4
I looked at her eyes, eyes that radiated helplessness and light. Dark-brown eyes that I had gotten used to seeing much of these days. I couldn’t answer any of her questions; I didn’t think they helped.
I could not help her, a part of me wanted to so much but I can’t. Tried so hard day after day, time after time, but I still couldn’t help her make a decision. Who to choose? What to do? What to say? I could not answer her cries of help more correctly than my physics homework. As I held her hand, her tears brimming on the edge of her eyes, I said, ‘Don’t cry. There is so much love for you.‘
A few days later, on a notepad were these words, “YOU’RE SO STUPID!! Who on Earth loves you more than me??”
I had to smile. I was only slightly jealous, but I knew it was not my place. Their love was so much more than I can understand then, and all that was important to me, was that I wasn’t stuck in a divisive operation anymore..
~~~
The sun was setting. The shape of her body leaning on the desk was getting darker by the minute. The conversation was stuck; I listened to the silence. Neither of us knew what to say.
This is not called conversing, she said. I’m only talking and not getting any replies. Say something!
I stared, afraid of saying anything. She has a bad temper and I hate it when she was mad. I continued staring, and time stood still even longer.. As I fumbled with my fingers, I glanced at the computer, and let time pass..
Nevermind, talking to you is useless. She said suddenly and left the room.
You didn’t have to say it, I already know it’s true.
“I love you.”
~~~
There is something entriguing about her words, phrases and the way she uses emoticons and whatnot. Things like this makes me feel over-protective of her.
Memories of her are hazy, and all that I can remember is an over-excited little kid exclaiming ideas for titles we could show… I don’t remember much, but I’m sure she was there.
She also showed me a Naruto headband. I think I had a look of excitement and surprise. It was something I don’t see everyday…
I bumped into her one day in the halls, near the beginning of the school year. I remember asking, “I’m sorry, but I can’t remember your name…” I felt embarrassed, because I should’ve remembered her name.. However, I was surprised that she told me her name without getting angry. Now that I think about it, she keeps many too things inside, never telling people exactly what she thinks of things… I wonder what goes on in her head. I want to know the things she wants and things she loves and things she cares about and things she … It goes on…
I feel that this friendship was a spur of the moment thing. One day we suddently started talking and it has never stopped. I want her to know that I care about her and that some things I do aren’t intentional.. There aren’t many people I consider as jewels, but like some of her favourite singers, she is one of the kind.
~~~
I had a huge wave of sadness. I had no idea why. I began typing.
Life is like a boat was the name and somehow I had thought that the song was what I felt like. In reality, it made me feel even worse…
She lay on the bed, and told me a name. I looked towards her figure, this was a topic interesting enough to distract me from the monitor. I liked the look on her face. I tell people that I like it when people talk to me about love. I like seeing the flushed look on their faces. This was one of those times. I smiled… I don’t remember anymore of that moment.
你可能是我一生中最想保护的人。但是，我知道我不是最担心你的人。请告诉我，你会对谁说“我爱你”呢？
I wonder, if the fact that I had been able to say that, was a good thing or a bad thing.
We’ve drifted apart alot since then, and a part of me feels guilty for not stopping it. There is so much love and respect for her. She is one of the most loved people I’ve met. I wish her happiness. Truly. Though, I can only wish.
Maybe some day, she’ll be able to read the sentences from faraway.
“I love you.”
~~~
Lily, do you love me?
It was sudden. It caught me of guard. Yes, I do love you.
No, I didn’t say that.
To an extent. I said.
Based on our history and what we went though, I felt that things had to be clear. I explained exactly what I said before to someone else when I talked about him to her.
I said, have you seen the movie My Best Friend’s Wedding?
He hasn’t.
I said, I love you to the point that I know I have to let you go some time..
He said, that’s not very clear to me, but it’s enough to get me through the day tomorrow.
I was glad he didn’t ask more.. I wasn’t sure what I would’ve said.
Dec
16
I don’t know. But I just really really like them. So awesome and so wonderfully diverse.
I love them to bits.
Guess, the only hint is in the title.
Dec
13
I wanted to write this sentence in Japanese, because I like it.
世の中には、自分を愛しない人を愛していることが一番辛い事なんだ。
I really like the expression “nanda.” Don’t know why, it feels really cute and fluffy, but at the same time it feels close, personal and perspective.
I hope, that to that someone, it helped…
Oct
2
I talked to Phil for the first time in weeks today. For the first part it was fine, but then I got nervous and I probably gave more information away than I should have in my position. My heart is thumping painfully and I’m really fragile right now. I guess I’m still heartbroken.
I took some pictures with Chen today <3. It was really fun. I kind of wanna show them to Lulu when she gets back from work.
I made Marina laugh twice today, at least I hope I did, somehow less worried now.
I’m watching 1 Litre of Tears so I can be distracted for awhile before I start working; I have no idea when I’m sleeping tonight… T___T;;.
Love and so much more,
Lily.
Sep
15
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23_5Yk51wgw]
この曲はとても美しい歌だから、大好きです。聞いてください。私はこの曲を聴いている時はとても幸せそうな気持ちを感じられます。素敵な気持ちだ。私は川澄綾子に感謝します。
本当に美しい音ですね。大好き。